Happy 2012, world!
Just a ditty inspired by this weekend. Excuse the vagueness. Inspired by "Polaroids" by Shawn Colvin. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nezSWF6ymQ
It feels like ages ago now: the slippery trickles of smoke-hot shower water, echoes of my guilty heart bouncing off and on steamy tiles, a familiar voice pleading an end to the therapy, anything for peace - even shoddy reparation: "piece me together with a needle and thread."
Over and over, reminders of my weaknesses waving over and through me like breakers on an ocean. But what a difference 48 hours makes. From somber reflection to somber reflection, after traversing the peaks and valleys in between.
"Fold me and lay me down on your bed" - now just a pragmatic reminder that I am built to build things up that one only pretends to stand on pedestals
A night of fashion, of shallow ambition, had me tricked for a moment to be the kind of evening I needed to live through to get over, to get better. To be wrapped in tender eiderdown, luxurious and rare. Who was folded on what bed; and in what fashion? Was it tender, as Shawn presumed it to be? Or was it staggered in stumbles; rhythmic in reckless abandon? Foolishly. I didn't need to go or to be anything or anywhere else.
I don't need to apologize for how I accept the things around me. They are why I write, they are the fuel for the music, the authenticity I reach with eager fingers. To others it's just a good time. And that could have been me. How swiftly I was veered from catastrophe. Relieved, calm. Blackened and spit-shone through. Smiling on my way back home.
Again the breakers, this time on a Sunday morning on the first of a New Year I am viewing with far-sighted goggles. This time they wash over rocks and miss me by a mile. I am too taken in by the view around me; the reminder of last year's feats, of potential splendor. Toes in sand, heart on heels, happy to be at square one.
I just took polaroids with my little smartphone. I just lingered in the moment.
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